Possible Motives For Golden Tate's Doughnut Heist

While at Notre Dame, defenses couldn't stop Golden Tate from reaching the end zone. And, apparently, the night bakers at Top Pot Doughnuts can't stop Tate from the doughnuts he craves. Tate has a powerful thirst for competition... and apparently it's countered by a powerful hunger for maple bars.

Some have speculated Tate suffered from a sever case of the munchies, while others, including the Top Pot employee who called police, suspected he was simply "A drunk idiot." --(link to 911 call). Others suspect it's all a publicity stunt by the Official Doughnut & Coffee Provider of your Seattle Seahawks. Perhaps, but what are the other possible reasons Tate was found stealing doughnuts out of the back of Top Pot at 3AM?

1. Golden Tate is a member of the radical Doughnut Liberation Front, whose aim is to free doughnuts from being eaten. Every pastry has a soul. 
2. As part of the Seahawks' community service efforts, Tate was simply trying to feed the homeless.
3. Terrified of being held scoreless, Tate goes on the attack when ever he comes in contact with the number zero, even if it's in the form of a doughnut.
4. Concerned with Leroy Hill's upcoming court hearing, Tate was trying to stockpile doughnuts and coffee in an effort to bribe the police.
5. Even though LenDale White was cut by the Seahawks, Tate still wanted to help his suddenly-slim teammate gain weight. 
6. Since Top Pot Doughnut is the official doughnut and coffee of the Seattle Seahawks, he thought it meant he ate for free there at any time.
7. Any time is a good time to carbo-load.
8. Late at night, the maple bars call to Tate. These temptresses, these pastry sirens, their songs lure in even the most stoic of folk, much like mermaids would call to sailors on long voyages, causing them to dive into the sea.
9. Rookies are responsible for bringing doughnuts to team meetings as part of their hazing. Meetings begin before Top Pot opens. Tate had no other option.
10. Golden Tate is pregnant, and when food cravings strike a pregnant person, everybody better get the F#@% out of the way.

Tate was apologetic after the incident, saying:

"When I got here, that was one of the first things I had," Tate said. "They're irresistible. It was a foolish mistake that won't happen again, but if you ever want some maple bars, that's the place to go. 

"I'm very embarrassed to even have my name a part of this. Before now I never had any type of trouble in school or anything, so I'd rather learn on this than have something a few months or years down the road that's a lot bigger and me being arrested or cited for something. This is definitely a lesson learned for me. Next time I'll just have my buddy go in and buy them."

Golden Tate has been banned from this Top Pot Doughnut location for one year. Give Mighty-O's a chance.

Check out video of Tate's uncomfortable explanation of the heist on Danny O'Neil's blog. You can also purchase an authentic Top Pot Doughnut mug signed by Golden Tate here.

Tubby Trojan Margarita Recipe

LenDale White and Mike Williams, both current Seahawks and former USC Trojan players, have received as much press for their weight issues as for their play.

LenDale dropped close to forty pounds last year by cutting out Patron tequila.

"I really got to be honest,'' White said. "It wasn't a lot of major diet changes. [It was] watching what I drink. I was a big Patron consumer. ... That's what it was. I was drinking a lot, drank a lot, of alcohol. I cut that out of my diet all the way. I don't drink at all. The weight started falling off.''

Prior to joining the Seahawks this year, Mike Williams dropped 35lbs by cutting out champagne and late night steaks and pasta (listen to interview).

There weight loss will improve their play, something Seahawks fans are looking forward to. When you make millions to play football, the least you can do is make the sacrifices necessary to be successful.

But for Seahawks fans, alcohol is nothing to give up. It's a necessary coping mechanism to deal with all the disappointing play. Cold beer always goes with football, but sometimes you have to supplement the self-medicating with a nice cocktail. That's why I invented the Tubby Trojan Margarita.

Tubby Trojan Margarita Recipe

- 2 ounces Patron Silver Tequila
- 2 ounces lime juice
- 1/2 ounce orange liquor (Cointreau, Grand Marnier, or Triple Sec).
- 3 ounces champagne or sparkling wine

Shake tequila, lime juice and orange liquor with ice in shaker. Pour into a pint glass filled with ice. Top with champagne.

Round 1 Mock Draft 2.0

1) ST. LOUIS RAMS: Tracy Orbison (Grocery Clerk-Hy-Vee Grocery Store)

Ever since the Rams let Kurt Warner go, they've needed a franchise quarterback. Having just released Marc Bulger, all signs point to them drafting Sam Bradford with the number one pick. But they won’t.
What St. Louis needs is another Kurt Warner. The former grocery store clerk was the best QB in franchise history and he came out of nowhere. I see St. Louis attempting to  recreate that success by drafting Tracy Orbison, a grocery clerk from the same Iowa grocery Kurt Warner worked at.





2) DETROIT LIONS--Demaryius Thomas (WR-Georgia Tech)
The Lions have needs across the board, especially on the offensive and defensive line. Lions fans are grateful that former GM Matt Millen was fired and won’t be around to wreck their drafts like he did for years. Unfortunately, Matt Millen has crept out of the broadcast booth and is hiding in the Lions’ war room, waiting to pounce... like a lion... a big, disgraced and incompetent lion.

Despite his age, Millen is still a strong dude, and he will physically force the Lions to draft...  yet another wide receiver. Who will be the Lions’ next Mike Williams or Charles Rogers?

That would be Georgia Tech wide receiver, Demaryius Thomas.


3) TAMPA BAY BUCANEERS--Ndamukong Suh--(DT-Nebraska)

Nobody except the Bucs projected both Ndamukong Suh and Gerald McCoy to be available at the 3rd pick. Expecting this, the Bucs were ready when both visited the Bucs on an official visit. Tampa's coaching staff set up a Survivor-like contest, forcing the two to sumo wrestle each other and engage in a hot dog eating contest. Suh won by eating two more hot dogs.




4) WASHINGTON REDSKINS--Toby Gerhart (RB-Stanford)

Now that the Redskins have their quarterback of the future in Donovan McNabb, they will use their 1st round pick to draft their running back of the past. Nostalgic for John Riggins, the Redskins will draft Toby Gerhart, another running back who is bruising, powerful, and... well... white.











5) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS--Jimmy Clausen (QB-Notre Dame)

Charlie Weis loves Jimmy Clausen. Jimmy Clausen loves Charlie Weis.

And since nobody else loves either one of them, they belong together. Plus, if the Chiefs draft Clausen then the Seahawks won’t piss me off and do something stupid like making Clausen their Rick Mirer of the future. I can’t stand that smug prick and I still wish suffering upon the Chiefs for that game Derrick Thomas sacked Dave Krieg seven times. It may be wishful thinking since they have a lot of money invested in Matt Cassel, but I’m hopeful they draft that cocky prick. And unlike with Clausen, Seahawk fans won’t have to fight the urge to punch Charlie Whitehurst in front of a bar. He’s far too pretty.

6) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS--Russell Okung (OT-Oklahoma State)

Seahawk fans breathe a collective sigh of relief as Pete Carrol goes offense and drafts the top-rated tackle in the draft. He may not be the second coming of Walter Jones, but he's better than everyone else we have on the offensive line.









7) CLEVELAND BROWNS--Brandon LaFell (WR-LSU)

Holmgren loves drafting pass-catchers who end up dropping the ball in key moments—remember Jerammy Stevens, Koren Robinson, and Darryl Jackson? So who will be the next ball-dropper to flub a Super Bowl-winning pass or serve jail time? How about Brandon LaFell.





8) OAKLAND RAIDERS--Tim Tebow (QB-Florida)

  Jesus was tormented by the devil for 40 days and 40 nights, but it’s nothing like the horrors Tim Tebow will experience during a 5-year contract with the Raiders under Al Davis. Couple that with sharing film study with JaMarcus Russell and breaking up fights in the coach's office and one can see it won't be long until Saint Tebow is tested in ways Jesus never imagined. This could go two ways, either Tebow leads wayward cast of Raider nation to the promised land, or else he wanders aimlessly through the desert with them, drinking heavily like he's Sebastian Janikowski. 

9) BUFFALO BILLS--Mike Williams (WR-Syracuse)

Playing in the cold wasteland of Buffalo is akin to being banished to a military weather station above the Arctic Circle. Nobody likes playing in Buffalo. And with no top-tier Canadian-born talent available, the Bills choose to go local by drafting Mike Williams from Syracuse. There are numerous character concerns, but the dude is a baller, he'll be ecstatic to be drafted in the 1st round and he can dunk (YouTube video).








10) JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS--Rolando McClain (LB-Alabama)

With Tim Tebow already taken, the Jags realize that they won't be putting anyone in the seats next year and consider folding the franchise.

However, the prospect of drafting stud linebacker Rolando McClain to pair with starting quarterback David Garrard in a fund-raiser to fight Crohn's disease (both have the gastrointestinal ailment) proves to be too much of a feel-good story. The Jags could use the defensive help anyway.







11) DENVER BRONCOS--Dez Bryant (WR-Oklahoma State)

With Marshall joining the Dolphins, I see Denver picking up Dez Bryant. When he and McDaniels clash, the Seahawks can offer up a third rounder for him next year.








12) MIAMI DOLPHINS--Derrick Morgan (DE-Georgia Tech)

With Joey Porter leaving to be overpaid in Arizona and Jason Taylor possibly on his way to the Jets, Bill Parcels has to be thinking about the pass rush. Derrick Morgan may not be the second coming of Lawrence Taylor, but he'll be a hell of a lot better than the two guys they got rid of.

When the pick is announced, Seahawk fans will find themselves cursing and opening another beer. He's a lot better than everyone we have on the defensive line also.


13) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS--CJ Spiller (RB-Clemson)

If Frank Gore can run for 200+ yards against the Seahawks on his perpetually-injured legs, just imagine what the 49ers think the explosive Spiller will do to the Seahawks twice a year. Crack another cold one Seahawk fans.










14) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS--Sergio Kindle (LB-Texas)

Given the track record of the new Pete Carrol regime in free agency, there’s simply no telling what they’ll do in the draft. Their moves have all been eyebrow-raising to say the least. But you know what would be totally surprising? You know what would be crazier than giving up a 2nd round pick for a third string QB? Going line backer with the 14th pick. Welcome to Seattle Sergio Kindle.

And just like Jerramy Stevens, a previous Seahawk 1st round pick, Kindle has also been in trouble with the law for crashing his car into an apartment building. Sounds like a Seahawk to me.


15) NEW YORK GIANTS--Mike Iupati (OG-Idaho)

Coach Tom Coughlin’s daughter is married to Giants starting guard Chris Snee. but let’s be honest, Mike Iupati (G-Idaho) is not only a better prospect, but has a rugged and mysterious je ne sais quois.

Who is that man behind the face mask? Coughlin’s daughter Katie wants to know and she's ready for an upgrade at the husband position. And like any good father, Daddy will get his daughter what she wants.








16) TENNESSEE TITANS--Colt McCoy (QB-Texas)

Having just signed quarterback Chris Simms, the Titans have officially announced they're in dire need of a backup quarterback. They also need somebody Vince Young trusts and who can explain the playbook to him. Welcome to the first round Colt McCoy.






17) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS--Gerald McCoy (DT-Oklahoma)

Coach Mike Singletary tests potential picks by seeing who can maintain eye contact with him the longest. The record was two seconds until Gerald McCoy went four seconds before turning his eyes away from the steely glare of the legendary linebacker.

18) PITTSBURGH STEELERS--Janice Masters (QB-Pittsburgh Passion).

With the allegations against Ben Rothlesberger and Santonio Holmes (related article), the Steelers recognize they have a public relations nightmare on their hands. Wary or losing female fans, the Steelers draft Janice Masters of the Independent Women’s Football League. She’s feisty, has a some solid passing stats, and has the size and speed to switch to safety after Rothlesberger returns from suspension.







19) ATLANTA FALCONS--Traded to Philadelphia Eagles for Michael Vick

Ever since the Falcons lost the electric Michael Vick to prison, attendance has been down, So this year, the Falcons trade their 1st round pick to Philly for Michael Vick. Does Vick still have the speed he displayed during his Falcon days? A good way to find out is before every home game. release a herd of crazed pit bulls at midfield and give Vick a 10-yard head start. Attendance up. Karma actualized. And the TV rights for this make millions! The proceeds go to the Humane Society, stadium costs, and Vick’s bankruptcy attorneys.


  


19) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES-- Terrence Cody (NT-Alabama)--Pick received in trade from Atlanta

The Eagles will draft 349 lbs nose tackle Terrence Cody from Alabama. Sure, they could use the defensive help, but they draft him primarily because Coach Andy Reid wants someone one the team who is fatter than he is, and possesses more supple man-boobs. .

Wait for the charity poster of them in Speedos to raise money to fight childhood obesity... and then attempt to wash the image from your mind.







  
20) HOUSTON TEXANS--Eric Berry (S-Tennessee)

The Texans had only one respectable defensive back (Dunta Robinson) and they traded him away. Tennessee safety Eric Berry is supposed to be the second coming of Ronnie Lott and Deion Sanders. Houston will start him at both safety and corner.

Check out this music video about why he should win the Heisman Trophy.



21) CINCINNATI BENGALS--Michael Palmer (TE-Clemson)

The Bengals only have one scout and he’s stretched a little thin. Cincinnati has both of the Palmer brothers on the roster (Carson and Jordan), so who’s to blame them for accidentally assuming Michael Palmer (TE-Clemson) is just another of Carson’s brothers. The Bengals could use a tight end anyways.



22) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS--(traded to Oakland)
Feeling pretty smug after last year's trade of Richard Seymour for Oakland's 2011 1st rounder, Coach Bill Belichek calls Al Davis to see if he's stupid enough to do it twice. He is, and the two swap the Pats 1st round pick first this year for Oakland's 2nd round picks in 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014...

22) OAKLAND RAIDERS--Usain Bolt (Jamaica) (picked up from New England)

Everyone knows Al Davis loves speed and Olympic gold-medalist Usain Bolt is the fastest man on the planet.






23) GREEN BAY PACKERS--Sam Bradford (QB-Oklahoma)

Much like Aaron Rogers did years ago, Sam Bradford unexpectedly drops in the draft and the Packers snatch him up. This sets up a new QB controversy in a couple years, a messy divorce, future nostalgia for Aaron Rogers, and something for sports writers to cover endlessly.





24) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES--Anthony Davis (OT-Rutgers)

The Eagles may deny it, by they are a team rebuilding and they've shown with their quarterback change that they're trying to get younger. Rutgers tackle, Anthony Davis, will be only 20-years-old when the season begins. Is that young enough?









25) BALTIMORE RAVENS--Mardy Gilyard (WR-Cincinnati)

Michael Oher was the steal of the 2009 NFL draft. His life story was turned into a movie that won Sandra Bullock an Oscar. Hoping to repeat their success, the Ravens draft Mardy Gilyard, wider receiver out of Cincinnati. Like Oher, Gilyard has his own hard-luck tale of living in his car while working four jobs in hopes of having his scholarship reinstated. In addition, Baltimore could use some speed at wide receiver.






26) ARIZONA CARDINALS--(traded to Philadelphia Eagles for next year's 1st round pick).
Due to some accounting mishap, Arizona doled out $17.5 million to washed-up linebacker Joey Porter. Now the miserly Cardinals don't have the money to pay a first rounders salary so they swap their pick to the Chicago Bears for future picks.

26) CHICAGO BEARS--()
Still short on picks from the Jay Cutler trade, Chicago again deals future picks for the Cardinals first round pick. Unfortunately, they open their war room to offensive line coach, and former Minnesota Vikings coach, Mike Tice. Famous for turning in his draft pick late while with the Vikings, Tice blows it again and forgets to turn in the draft card. Chicago is banished to the 2nd round.

27) DALLAS COWBOYS--Kam Chancellor (S-Virginia Tech)

Having cut safety Ken Hamlin (and Roy Williams before that), for mental mistakes and being to slow in coverage, Jerry Jones pulls another one out of his ass and drafts Virginia Tech safety Kam Chancellor, a big, tough, slow safety that can barely cover a tight end. I can't wait to hear the cell-phone footage of him drunkenly explaining that selection.



28) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS--Dexter McCluster (RB-Mississippi)

There's no way you can replace a Hall of Fame running back like Ladanian Tomlinson. However, you can replace running back Darren Sproles. Sure, they would be better off drafting a power running back  like Ryan Matthews (RB-Fresno State) or Johnathan Dwyer (RB-Georgia Tech). Either, paired with Sproles, would give them a thunder and lightning combo. Instead, the Chargers will draft 5'8" 165lbs. Dexter McCluster, the lightning fast running back from Mississippi.  They add Justin Forsett and they can run the oompa loompa wishbone.


29) NEW YORK JETS--LeGarrette Blount (RB-Oregon)

The Jets are happy to take chances on players with character concerns. In the past few months alone, they've added cornerback Antonio Cromartie (1/2 dozen illegitimate kids)  and Santonio Holmes (marijuana possession, assault allegation). Who can they draft to complete the trifecta? Of all draft prospects, running back LeGarrette  Blount provides the greatest  chance of a felony conviction. His violent outburst during last year's Boise State game was one for the ages. Running back isn't really a need, but the possibility of Blount running wild in the Big Apple, especially with the cameras of Hard Knocks filming, is too much for Rex Ryan to pass up. You can't put a stomach band on drama.

30) MINNESOTA VIKINGS--Dan Williams (DT-Tennessee)

It was the Williams Wall combo of Pat and Kevin Williams that gave the Vikings' defense its identity. Both are aging stars, so to keep the wall intact, the Vikings draft Tennessee defensive tackle Dan Williams. Williams is a beast at DT, but weighs a measly 320lbs. However, with a little boost from Pat and Kevin's (alleged) performance enhancing drug dealer, he could get up to 350lbs.

Brad Childress will wait until the second round to draft his quarterback of the future, Brett Favre's newborn grandson, Parker Brett.


31) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS--Peyton Manning (QB-Indianapolis Colts)

After the Super Bowl loss to Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints, there's been a lot less talk about how Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Colts fans are pissed. Peyton Manning is awesome. Joe Montana wants Peyton's autograph. Brett Favre would jump to back him up. Peyton Manning can do more with his little finger than Chuck Norris can do with his whole entourage.

So just to reiterate how great Manning is, Indianapolis makes him the only player to be drafted twice by the same team.


32) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS--Jahvid Best (RB-California).

Reggie Bush sucks. And to prove it to him, they draft Jahvid Best, a small, but fast back who will outplay Bush from day one and won't fumble every other punt he returns.

Mock Draft Picks 1st Round (1-10)

1. ST LOUIS RAMS—Sam Bradford (QB-Oklahoma)
    Years after dumping future Hall-of-Famer Kurt Warner in favor of Marc Bulger, the Rams quarterback woes continue. St. Louis spent the past few years neglecting drafting a franchise quarterback in favor of non-skill position players who haven’t worked out. With Bulger locked out of the team complex, the Rams finally pull the trigger on their QB of the future, selecting Sam Bradford with the number one pick.
    On the other hand... the Rams could trade down, draft a mediocre defensive lineman, continue to be the worst team in the worst division, and put themselves in prime position to draft Jake Locker (QB-Washington) with the first pick in 2011 draft.

2. DETROIT LIONS—Ndamukong Suh (DT-Nebraska)
    Dez Bryant (WR-Oklahoma) and his agent are the only people upset Matt Millen is no longer the General Manager for the Lions. But with Millen safely confined to the broadcasting booth, the Lions don’t have to worry about wasting another 1st round pick on a wide receiver.
    Instead, the Lions can address a major need, and select a defensive beast in Ndamukong Suh. And how could they not? After watching Suh’s multi-sack game against Colt McCoy, I’m sure Detroit’s defensive coaches are having lucid dreams about the punishment he’s going to inflict on Brett Favre when he rips through their O-line.

3. TAMPA BAY BUCS—Gerald McCoy (DT-Oklahoma)
    When you’re a team needing everything, you can’t go wrong with the 3rd pick. Does Tampa go with Eric Berry (S-Tennessee), the prize pupil of former defensive coordinator, Monte Kiffin? Or, do they draft a wide receiver to replace Antonio Bryant, or an offensive lineman to protect quarterback Josh Freeman? All signs point to them drafting Gerald McCoy (DT-Oklahoma) to boost their anemic defense. 

4. WASHINGTON REDSKINS—Jimmy Clausen (QB-Notre Dame)
    Assuming coach Mike Shanahan takes a liking for Jimmy Clausen (QB-Notre Dame), the Redskins will be going quarterback with their 1st round pick, proving it’s never too early to draft your Jake Plummer of the future.
    Washington could also choose Russell Okung (OT-Oklahoma), but Shanahan has had luck drafting undersized lineman in later rounds to fit his zone-blocking scheme. While Shanahan is somewhat predictable, there’s no telling how long owner Dan Snyder can sit on his hands and not ruin this draft.

5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS – Eric Berry (S-Tennessee)
    For the Chiefs, it comes down to Eric Berry (S-Tennessee) or Russell Okung (OT-Oklahoma). Do you want the next Ed Reed or do you want to protect Matt Cassel from a crippling injury at the hands of some menacing defensive end. Screw Matt Cassel. The answer is Eric Berry. Also, it keeps the Seahawks from being tempted to pull a Ruskell and go defense with their 1st pick.

6. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS—Russell Okung (OT-Oklahoma State)
    If Timmy Ruskell were still calling the shots this pick would be a no-brainer: Roland McClain (LB-Alabama). Thankfully, Ruskell is not calling the shots and I will be drinking a lot fewer shots on draft guys because of it.
    So what will the Sea-Chickens do? Walter Jones is 36-years-old and for two years we've seen a lot more of him on Twitter then on the field. He was great, but he's done. Even if Jones discovers the fountain of youth and magic pixies heal his knee, Seattle’s offensive line would still be among the NFL worst. If the Hawks keep this dismal line intact, Matt Hasslebeck’s wife will be increasing his life insurance policy, Charlie Whitehurst will be longing for Arizona, and C.J. Spiller (RB-Clemson) will have his agent leaking "character issues" to worsen his draft stock.   
    The Seahawks will take Russell Okung. If he’s no longer on the board, they’ll take Trent Williams (OT-Oklahoma). Somebody has to start blocking or the fans in the Hawk Nest will commit mass-suicide by hanging themselves from the goalposts of Qwest Field.

7. CLEVELAND BROWNS—Dez Bryant (WR-Oklahoma State)
    Given that Browns GM, Mike Holmgren, has previously spent 1st round picks on problematic pass-catchers like Koren Robinson and Jerramy Stevens, I can’t see how he resists drafting the human red-flag: Dez Bryant. Plus, once Bryant inevitably shows up late for his 5th meeting, Coach Eric Mangini will insist on trading him to the Jets for a fifth round pick and 2nd string linebacker. This will give Holmgren the excuse to fire Mangini and take the reigns.

8. OAKLAND RAIDERS—Anthony Davis (OT-Rutgers)
    Al Davis loves freakish athletes with attitude problems and he needs an upgrade at offensive tackle. Obviously he’s intrigued with Anthony Davis. The guy has incredible physical tools, an amazing blend of strength and speed. And despite his size (6-5, 320lbs), he’s got quick feet and a good burst of speed. Physically, he may be the most talented lineman in the draft. On the other hand, he’s inconsistent, was frequently disciplined in college, has struggled with his weight and could prove to be a complete bust in the pros. Basically, he’s the second coming of quarterback JaWalrus Russell. Al Davis will take him.

9. BUFFALO BILLS--Brian Bulaga (OT-Iowa)
    Tim Tebow recently visited the Bills and had dinner with Jim Kelly, the former-Bills quarterback. Kelly clearly has a man-crush on Tebow, and the Bills desperately need a new quarterback and some leadership. So will the Bills rush to take Tebow with a top-ten pick? No. God has a plan, and in His plan he has Saint Tebow dropping to the second round. Instead He will have Brian Bulaga (OT-Iowa) suffer and toil amidst the dreary cold in Tebow's place. Amen.

10. DENVER BRONCOS--Dan Willliams (DT-Tennessee).
    Denver has needs all over the board: Wide receiver, quarterback, linebacker, offensive line, nose tackle, etc. But what they really need is someone Josh McDaniels actually likes and can get along with. The Broncos are on the verge of losing Brandon Marshall for next to nothing because the two had a falling out. And while Brady Quinn and Kyle Orton will be falling over themselves to ingratiate themselves to their coach, they need to draft some talent.
    I see them taking Dan Williams (DT-Tennessee). He’s a load to block, and as long as he can keep his weight down (he once tipped the scales at 357lbs), he will be plugging the middle for the Broncos for years to come. And if his weight balloons again? Well... everybody likes the fat guy, even McDaniels.

Cory Redding--We Hardly Knew You

 Saying goodbye is always  hard... unless it's to someone you don't really know. Then it's just sort of awkward.  As Seahawk Nation bids farewell to defensive end Cory Redding, every fan wrestles personally with how to say goodbye properly.

"See you around," doesn't feel right because who knows when we'll see him again. We don't play the Baltimore Ravens (his new team) next season.

"Thanks for the memories" doesn't fit since I can barely recognize him in a Seahawks jersey. The photo above may be photo-shopped since he appears to be sacking Tony Romo, something I have no memory of. Perhaps it was one of the two regular season sacks he recorded last year.

Maybe Redding isn't just another sub-par player on a team full of sub-par players. Maybe he was just a victim of circumstance. He could kick ass with the Ravens next year. Maybe we'll be longing for his barely-noticeable presence next year if our roster of defensive ends remains: Chris Clemons, Lawrence Jackson, Rickey Foley, Nick Reed, and Patrick Kerney.

But it's not as if Redding was Brian Bosworth incarnate. Sure we gave up Julius Peterson for him, but Redding was supposedly a fun guy and good teammate, And it is true Redding had one of the most dominant preseasons by a Seahawk in recent memory. That should at least get him a memorial beer-holder in the women's restroom at Qwest Field... and apparently a new contract with a playoff contender.

So I guess we just give him one of those half-hearted fist bumps where you kind of look the other way, the kind inmates give to other prisoners who are walking past their cell on their way to being paroled. "Take care man... Have fun in the playoffs... Thanks for not pinning me in the shower.... Send me a picture of your sister... See ya on the outside..." 

So good luck Cory Redding. If things don't work out in Baltimore, I'm sure that winning smile we never noticed will do big in Hollywood. I hear Corey Feldman is looking for another Cory to star in The Two Corey's following the untimely death of Corey Haimes...

God I wish the draft was here already.

Seahawks New Contrast In Style

There are some stark contrasts between veteran quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and the newly acquired Charlie Whitehurst: Primarily experience and hair.

Whitehurst didn't come cheap ($10million over two years). The Seahawks also swapped 2nd round picks with the Chargers (40th for 60th overall), and gave up next year's third round pick for the former Clemson star.

Whitehurst is a big question mark. He has yet to play in a regular season game, but has shown promise during his preseason outings. He was certainly a star at Clemson (YouTube footage) and it warranted him a 3rd round pick by the Chargers in the 2006 draft. The Hawks must think he's the heir-apparent for Hasselbeck and better than anyone they'll get in this year's draft.

Whitehurst, and his flowing mane, will eventually end the Seahawks recent string of bald quarterbacks (Trent Dilfer/Hassselbeck). It also erases the possibility of drafting Jimmy Clausen, a prospect whose own hairline is in steady retreat. Let's hope the rookie hazing includes a buzz cut for Whitehurst. That hair may work on the beach in San Diego, but I don't want to hear moronic commentators using his long hair to frequently reference our city's grunge history.

His hairstyle makes him appear as the second coming of Jesus. Let's just hope it's not the second coming of Rick Mirer.

Who The $#!& Is Chris Clemons?

The Seattle Seahawks traded Darryl Tapp to the Philadelphia Eagles for a 4th round pick and pass rusher Chris Clemons.

So who the hell is Chris Clemons? He's a 7-year veteran who was undrafted out of University of Georgia. He once recorded 7 sacks in a season, but is probably best remembered for pile driving Viking's QB Tavaris Jackson. Click here for the footage on YouTube.

Seneca Wallace Traded to Browns

The next time Seahawks fans see Seneca Wallace running out of bounds for a 5-15 yard loss, it will be in a Cleveland Browns jersey.  Today, the Seahawks traded the veteran backup for an undisclosed pick in next year's draft.

How did the Seahawks come to this decision? This is the conversation I imagine occurred between Head Coach Pete Carrol and GM John Schneider after they watched all of Seneca's game film from last season.

Carroll: How many times did number 15 run out of bounds for a loss without throwing it away? It's ludicrous.

John: I've got the data on this spreadsheet. Note the bar graph on page two as well.

Carroll: Yowzer! I think that's more times then Brett Favre has done it in a career. And what's with the beard and the pouting? My God, that beard looks like it's drawn on his face in pencil. Let's cut him. I am so fired up to cut him!

Schneider: Now hold on. We can get something for this guy. Tim Ruskell might be getting the Chicago Bears front office job. I could probably ship him to Ruskell for at least a second rounder. That putz loves undersized guys with modest athletic ability. Can I try Pete? Can I try?

Carroll: No way. I am just too pumped up to cut him! I mean I'm just jazzed. He has a kitty cat tattooed on his arm. God that irks me. Let's cut him!

Schneider:  Now hold on Petey, let me call Holmgren up about a trade. I know he wanted to coach last year's Seahawks. Perhaps he'll be content  to coach just one Seahawk next year when he fires Mangini.


What else can we take away from this trade (besides a possible mid-round pick)?

1. With their backup quarterback gone, Matt Hasselbeck aging, and former 6th round draft pick Mike Teel waiting in the wings, you can bet your season tickets the Seahawks will be drafting a quarterback this year. Maybe the Seahawks aim to pick up Derek Anderson when the Browns--who now have a cheaper backup for Brady Quinn--inevitably cut Anderson before his roster bonus is due.

2. Another thought is that perhaps the Seahawks were better off not hiring Mike Holmgren as their General Manager. Wallace is a serviceable backup, but probably not someone you really want to trade a mid-round pick for. Holmgren isn't showing a whole lot of creativity in such a trade. Perhaps he picked up Tim Ruskell's bad habit of giving up too much for too little or maybe he didn't watch Seneca regress last year.

On the other hand, Cleveland doesn't want to pay both Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn, nor does it want to endure another year of Eric Mangini shuttling between the two as starters. At least with Seneca, nobody will be assuming he will become the starter. There's always the theory that you can use him in the wildcat package, not that he gained much running the ball in Seattle.

3. Maybe the Seahawks are making room for their own wildcat specialist? With Tim Tebow visiting soon, perhaps the Seahawks envision the Heisman-winner as the backup to Matt Hasselbeck. And this one knows how to throw the damn ball away before reaching the sideline.

A Who's Who From Seahawk Mock Drafts

TODD MCSHAY'S PICKS
On April 21st, 2009, ESPN's Todd McShay's released his mock draft for all seven rounds. Knee problems seem to be the most common traits for McShay's Seahawk picks:


1st Round (4th overall):
Mark Sanchez, Quarterback, USC
6'2" 227 lbs.

Ladies love Mark Sanchez, but do the Seahawks? Is there interest in Sanchez just a bluff to get Washington to trade up for their #4 pick, or do they think they can break their 1st round QB curse (Dan McGwire, Rick Mirer). And is all the sudden hype around Sanchez warranted? If the Seahawks draft him they better think he's going to be the next Carson Palmer and not the next Matt Leinert?

2nd Round (37th overall):

William Beatty
Offensive Tackle, Connecticut
6'6" 307 lbs.
Running back Donald Brown owes a lot of his yardage to the blocking of Beatty... or is it the other way around?




3rd Round (68th overall):

Sherrod Martin
Defensive Back, Troy
6'1" 198 lbs.
Martin had injuries to both shoulders and his hand, which required surgery.On the other hand he runs a 4.52 forty and dishes out crushing hits, something that can't be said for the current Seahawk safeties.


4th Round (105th overall):
Kaluka Maiava
Outside Linebacker, USC
5'11" 229 lbs.
Part of a heralded linebacking group at USC, Maiva was forced to bask in the shade cast by the flashier linebackers on the team--Rey Maualuga and Brian Cushing.

Despite this, Maiava was a solid and versatile performer on an extremely talented team. The Seahawks previously struck gold when they drafted another unheralded and undersized linebacker from USC a few years ago (Lofa Tatupu).

Plus, Maiava has a more interesting family background then even USC defensive end Clay Matthews III (son of former Cleveland Browns linebacker Clay Matthews Jr). Maiava's grandfather was a professional wrestler whose routine included walking on a bed of nails upon entering the ring and his uncle is actor and former pro-wrestler Duane "The Rock" Johnson.

5th Round (137th overall):
Javon Ringer
Running Back, Michigan State
5'9" 205 lbs.
Ringer's a consummate team player, extremely tough and a hard nosed runner. Ringer set records at MSU for total yards from scrimmage, but also possibly for most number of knee surgeries. While he seems a little undersized, his toughness could make him the bruising back the Seahawks need to run behind a relatively weak offensive line. On the other hand, if Ringer did become a starter can you imagine how annoying it would be to withstand season after season of listening to TV announcers' coming up with stupid quips using his last name?

6th Round (178th overall):

Trevor Canfield
Offensive Guard, Cincinnati
6'5" 307 lbs.
Corn-fed white guy? Check. Goatee or skinny beard? Check. Dull expression in the eyes? Check. If he has a tribal tattoo on an arm I think you have yourself a backup NFL lineman. Canfield isn't from the most dominant conference so it's hard to tell what to make of his All-Conference selection.


7th Round (213th overall):

Ian Campbell
DE, Kansas State
6'4" 265 lbs.
Despite looking like a less-bloated Sebastian Janikowski, Campbell was a versatile player, great pass rusher and pass defender who even spent time as a defensive lineman.


7th Round (245th overall):

Brian Hartline
Wide Receiver, Ohio State
6'2" 195 lbs.
There are a lot of things that Brian Hartline looks like and NFL receiver isn't one of them. He certainly looks more ball boy than ball player. Some other possibilities.... 1) An extra in the movie Hoosiers. 2) A kid at a truck stop telling you about his recent alien abduction. 3) Most every male between the ages of 16 and 19 in the rural portions of Iowa.

However, looks could be deceiving. The former Buckeye probably would have been ranked higher had he been a bigger part of the offense. Unfortunately for Hartline, Ohio State's offense was much more run-focused and didn't make much use of his big play ability. That's right: Big play ability. He could be the next Logan Payne!


7th Round (247 overall):

Jamarca Sanford
Safety, Ole Miss
5'10" 214 lbs.
A four-year starter who put up some impressive career numbers, but hasn't really wowed anyone. Sanford ran 4.58 forty at the combine.

7th Round (248 overall):

Ra’Shon Harris
Defensive Tackle, Oregon
6'4" (6'6" with the mohawk) 298 lbs.
Probably not the second coming of Cortez Kennedy, but since he's from University of Oregon it would be less difficult for former Husky Jim Mora Jr. to cut him.

MEL KIPER'S PICKS:
Draft guru Mel Kiper's 4/10 mock draft only goes through the 4th round--he openly scoffed at McShay for putting out a 7 round mock draft. Kiper predicts the following for the Hawks:

1st Round (4th overall):
Eugene Monroe
Offensive Tackle, Virginia
6'5" 305 lbs.
Considered one of the top three offensive tackles in the draft, Monroe is a polished veteran. A consensus All-American as a senior, the biggest blemish on Monroe is some earlier knee injuries.






2nd Round (37th overall):
William Moore
Safety, Missouri
6'2" 220 lbs.
Moore is a big dude, a great hitter and has the hands you'd expect from a former receiver. There are some durability questions, but his versatility and big play ability give him a lot of upside.



3rd Round (68th overall):
Donald Washington
Corner Back, Ohio State
6'0" 197 lbs.
Washington is bigger than Kelly Jennings and Josh Wilson (doesn't take much), but he's prized more for his athleticism (4.49 forty) then for his technique. He might have made a mistake by entering the draft despite having a year of eligibility remaining.

4th Round (105th overall):

James Davis
Running Back, Clemson
5'11" 218lbs.
Davis' stock dropped after a disappointing Senior season, but if he's the player he was during his Junior and Sophomore years (when his surround cast was much better) he could be a solid pro back.