Seahawks to Face Lawrence Maroney + Kool-Aid Man

Since being drafted by the Patriots in the first round out of University of Minnesota, Lawrence Maroney hasn't terrified any defenses. He has the physical tools, but it's always seemed he's been lacking something. Well it's time to get fearful now that he's with the Broncos. He hasn't stopped dancing in the backfield, taking his sweet time to pick a hole. No, his new power comes from his bling.

The diamond-crusted Kool-Aid Man chain holds special powers. It enables you to bust through opposing tacklers like they were just a mere cinder block wall. Chris Johnson probably has Kool-Aid Man earrings. Look out Hawks. Don't underestimate the power of Kool-Aid Man. Oh yeah? Oh NO!

Special thanks to NFL Passers for bringing this important NFL fashion news to light. No we just have to figure out where we can get the cubic zirconia knockoff.